State of the Bushistan Address

February 26, 2006


For my requisite State of the East Bushistan Address, I give you the following bulleted list:

- [Vice] President Shoots World's Most Prolific Executor of Minors - Iran Giggles

- President** Calls for More Renewable Energy Research, Then Cuts Budget for Said Research by 13% (Irony screams, "I'm Aliiiiivvve!!")

- President** Gives Port Contract to Country that Supported the Taliban (Didn't we invade a country for this?)

- Kyoto Relative Arrives at US Shores - Northeast's Regional Greenhouse Gas Initiative Approved by States (www.rggi.org)

- "Evolution is For Monkeys," Says PA School Board -- Community Gives School Board the Finger and Pink Slips

- Abortion Nearly Outlawed in South Dakota - Unwanted Children Everywhere Rejoice

- U.N. Still America's Little Bitch - John Bolten explains, "You have no business trying to be a worldwide democracy. We ARE democracy!"

- New Study: Icebergs Melting at Twice Pace as Previously thought - Frosty exclaims, "Oh shit..."

- America Still Being Treated as Liberators in Iraq - "Flowers and Songs" Death Total Now Above 2,200

- Scooter Libby May in Fact Rat out Shooter Fibby (and Turd Blossom) - Comedians Overwhelmed by Late Night Fodder

- "Man/Lizard Hybrids Running Amok in Our Cities," warns President*** - EBR editor wonders why nobody's talking about this...

Okay, that's not a comprehensive list, but apparently I'm not being paid to write drivel...


** Two "won" elections deserves two asterisks
*** Verbatim from State of the Union address: "Tonight I ask you to pass legislation to prohibit the most egregious abuses of medical research: human cloning in all its forms; creating or implanting embryos for experiments; creating human-animal hybrids; and buying, selling or patenting human embryos." WTF!?!?!?!?