My fellow Americans.
The fundamentals of my unemployment are strong. I have not worked a steady job in two years, and my advisors tell me that this glorious period is far from over. You have nothing to worry about. No need to send a “Congratulations on Your New Job” Hallmark card, don’t expect me to pick up the drink tab in the near future, and rest easy knowing that I am doing my part to keep the national unemployment numbers steadfast in the weeks and months ahead.
As for your pensions, 401K’s, and stock portfolios, however, you’re screwed. Unless you are an investment giant which made the right contributions to the right people over the years, you can kiss a government bailout goodbye. And that light at the end of the tunnel that’s blinking “01.20.09?” Yeah… it’s the midway point on our journey back from the Economic House of Cards Abyss. As much as I like Obama, the president doesn’t control interest rates (that’s the Federal Reserve), and he doesn’t have much control over government oversight of the financial sector (that’s Congress’ various subcommittees). Of course, he would have some influence, but you can’t expect a “market correction” that has been 20 years in the making (thanks, Reagan!) to be fixed overnight, or even in the next two years.
So, what’s a Bushistanian to do? For the time being, save your money. In an old coffee jar buried in the backyard, if possible. Don’t forget long-term investment vehicles as well, such as the Manned Mars Exploration IPO, Boondoggle Star Wars futures, or become a founding member of the John McCain Presidential Library. Sure-fire winners, all of them. And I know, because I have an MBA.
In a sense, if you have a job, keep it. I will carry my weight in keeping the jobless rate high, but you need to do your part by paying my bills and taking me out to dinner. Ask not what your financial system can do for you, but what you can do to maintain the status quo…
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Wait, tell me again why putting “hundreds of billions of dollars of taxpayers’ money at risk” in order to bail out corporate malfeasance is in our best interest?
Well, crap. Taliban 2.0 is a larger, smarter, and better armed organization than the first edition.
A conservative for Obama. A passionate article aimed at those on the fence.
A good piece on how John McCain is still in La La Land.
CERN, the Swiss scientists that brought us the World Wide Interwebs, are having some trouble blowing up the Earth. Give it a week or two…
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Yes, even though she has female parts, she is not much for these parts having too many rights. (See: A woman's right to choose, equal pay for equal work, and her support for abstinence-only education in schools that made her a grandmother).
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